Cancer Treatment and Bumblebees

Well, here I am lying down on a couch in somebody else's lakehouse in Jamestown. What a blessing and answer to prayer to be able to stay here. The word for the day...Quiet. I am so used to the hustle and bustle sound of being a mother of 3 and a wife of 1 (I would not do well with being a Morman) that I sometimes forget what quiet sounds like. I tried to fill the quiet with an attempt to watch a movie, but failed at figuring out how to work the tv/dvd player here and at trying to play it in Dan's laptop. Then, it dawned on me that the quiet is not so bad. My stomach has been off for a few days now and I don't think the radioactive iodine treatment that I took this morning at the hospital has helped, so I was hesitant to even read. Even my couple phone calls I recieved or made were short and sweet in nature, as the very easy action of talking (which I normally love to do) made me nauseated. The Lord, however, blessed my reading time and eased my stomach a bit. I'd gone to the library a couple days ago to get some "maybe" books...maybe I'd read them, maybe I'd not, in anticipation of actual chances to get to read. I got a genre of different books - Christian fiction and non fiction, a couple devotionals, and even The Davinci Code. Never read it when it was all hyped up, but was curious about it. That one may end up being a true maybe. Lord knows I'm not a fast reader and that is one big book. Anyhow, I decided to start with one of the devotional books I'd checked out. It is entitled OverJoyed (Devotions to Tickle Your Fancy And Strengthen Your Faith). It is written by a group of women who, some of, are still on the Women Of Faith tour (this particular book was written in 1999, I believe). Anyhow, I have enjoyed these little blurbs and have been encouraged by two in particular. Last night, I couldn't sleep very well. Probably a combination of an upset stomach, nerves, and thinking/praying for my kids who are not with me...Jake and Lydia are in Indy with Grandma and Grandpa Ernst and their cousins and Claire is under the care of my wonderful friend, Beth, until Tuesday afternoon when Daddy can pick her up (she will also stay there during the days until I am done with this isolation thing). Anyhow, back to my story...I couldn't sleep and I couldn't shut off my brain. I've been wrestling God with something and offering him my excuses. I must have sounded like Moses to him. My ears and eyes perked up at a couple things I read...one was a description of bumblebees and how scientifically, they are not built to fly. Their big bodies and little, shallow wings should make it impossible for the bumblebee to fly. But does this stop the bumblebee? NO. "The bumblebee doesn't know it can't fly. So, the bumblebee flies around doing what God chose for it to do, pollinating plants. It does so without considering it's limitations" (Thelma Wells). Thelma then goes on to remind us how we are each uniquely made by our Creator and He has equipped each of us with our own special gifts and talents. Then just a few pages later, I'm reading a devotional that Barbara Johnson penned. In it, she says, " We can't change these seven realities:

• Things are always changing.
• It rains on the just and the unjust.
• We are aging by the minute.
• The rules aren't fair.
• You can't please all people all the time.
• You can't heal another person's wounds.
• God is good anyway.

Barbara went on to urge her readers (ME) to do something. So many times, I feel like I have to have it all together to really minister to another. I want to entertain guests in my home, but often let my disorginization or what I feel is lack of space get in the way. I want to meet another's emotional need but struggle with knowing the right thing to say. These are just a couple examples of some of my past, lame excuses. But her whole message was that it is a big lie to "think our cup has to be full before we can share with somebody else." That very sentence helped me in what I was talking with God about. I don't have to have all the answers or have my life be just perfect to minister in the area that I believe God has layed on my heart. I need to stop waiting. I need to give with what I have! God was tugging on my heart on this issue at my Wome's Bible Study 2 weeks ago and then also in a video that Mark and Jill (brother in law and sister in law) had shared with us last week. "For each minute you think you have nothing to give, you lose sixty seconds of giving. For every hour you feel sorry for yourself, you lose sixty minutes to comfort another. For every day you wait to get going in the ministry to which God has called you, you lose twenty-four hours to bless the world" (Babara Johnson) Maybe that will touch someone as it did me.

Thank you, God, for once again, being patient with me!